Wednesday, 4 August 2010

My broken back door blues

I have just made the mistake, as I repeatedly do, of reading the comments bit at the end of an article on a newspaper website. It said comedy is for making people laugh. It irked me did that and here is for why. I am increasingly of the opinion that there is absolutely nothing that is for anything. I will accept no exceptions. Music is not for listening to and lungs are not for breathing. They are things that just happen to be used in that capacity.

Consider the nose. Is it for breathing or is it for balancing spectacles? Or spectacles? Are they for looking or are they for keeping the bridge of your nose covered? Or art? Is it for looking at or hiding pieces of wall? Do you see the difficulty? Of course if we exclude the concept of something being for something, having a purpose or reason, then all of this goes away.

It also results in a considerable drop in anxiety about whether you are using the right something for what it is for. Cutlery is the first thing that springs to mind, although correct use of cutlery seems an anachronism these days. At least to me. Maybe I need to do more fine dining with judgmental folk. But what are fish knives for? Cutting fish? You can’t cut a fish with a fish knife!

I use my stereo as a place to empty mugs. It is very good at that, it can hold at least 8 mugs on top of the speakers. This is as it should be.

We have a gig tomorrow night and I shall be employing my new philosophy as much as society will allow. If for any reason I am observed using anything for any reason that may be construed as being what it is for, rest assured that it is either purely coincidental or because I have developed a habitual association between certain actions and certain objects. I’ll be producing a pie chart to present my findings.

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