tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35491478128990097022024-03-19T05:00:42.322+00:00MashemonMashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-19939815460889033402016-08-18T13:46:00.001+01:002016-08-18T13:48:45.367+01:00Hand turned sponge onion<div class="MsoNormal">
Stayed up late watching Bernard Purdie videos on YouTube the
other night. It left me looking at drum kits but thankfully I restrained myself
and didn’t reach for the credit card. There is absolutely no reason for me to
fill more space which I need for living in with another music related item. Where
will I sleep? Where will I shit? No drums.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have started the process of creating another EP. Bits and
bobs are slowly coming together. Hopefully it won’t be as long a process as the
last one, which should have taken a couple of months and ended up taking a
year. That was entirely because I am so bleeding slow. At this point I will
refrain from saying anything more about it because most of it won’t actually
happen. When it does finally arrive you’ll never know what you missed out on.
Until the 50<sup>th</sup> Anniversary editions start coming out.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I found myself in Basingstoke the other day. It took about
five hours to get there. Basingstoke has a lot of hanging baskets. I grew up
not far from Basingstoke and I endured a low level feeling of dread that
someone I knew from way back when would suddenly appear. I think I have shed
most of my Southern England sensibilities, even though I have preserved the accent
somewhat. Knowing that I was probably surrounded by Tories and UKIPpers and
they might spring out and spray me with their racism and bigotry was akin to
expecting the sky to fall in. Probably very unfair of me, they would be too
frightened by my beard and suntan and would simply call the Police.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Basingstokian: Help! Police! There’s a terrorist walking
towards the train station! He’s got a beard and is wearing a sweater that is
not suitable for the weather at this time of year at this latitude!</div>
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Basingstokian Police Ossifers: Quick! To the riot van!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Me: Death to the hanging baskets!<o:p></o:p></div>
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PC Golightly: Fall back boys, he’s too strong for us!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Captain Tory Wanker: Have no fear, Captain Tory Wanker is
here!<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ll leave that there. I was going to introduce UKIP Catamite
Lad but I didn’t want to insult catamites. It’s hard enough being a catamite at
the best of times I imagine, without getting dragged into half-baked poorly
written imaginary situations, such as the 2015 Conservative Manifesto.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I thaaank yoooooow!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-87868697803003009222016-07-26T16:02:00.001+01:002016-07-26T16:02:22.326+01:00Master Kung Fu with Jeremy Irons<div class="MsoNormal">
I was watching this documentary on YouTube about Gerhard
Richter and below, in the comments section someone had made a series of
anti-Semitic comments about “a Jew smearing paint”. Hateful comments. Still, I
had read them and now they were in my head. As I watched the documentary I
could hear the words echoing in my head, tagged on to everything else that was
going on. <o:p></o:p><br />
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It made me think back to when I was a child and hearing some
other child say that he would think things about black people which he knew
where wrong but he said the words in his head anyway. He did not believe them,
he was just remembering them when prompted. So the same thing was happening to
me as I watched this documentary and I wondered to myself, what are you
actually supposed to do about this? Keep watching the documentary, maybe have a
word with the dogs. Have a cup of coffee. Write a blog and put a ring around
the thoughts so you know where they are, keep an eye on them.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Something as obvious as this, something as palpably wrong as
this is an easy enough task, it has had more of an impact on my mood than
anything else. However, given the incremental shades of bigotry, what bits
sneak in without being noticed? A whole sump of bigotry that sloshes around all
day, leaking out here and there and you don’t know about it most of the time.<o:p></o:p><br />
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When something like “a Jew smearing paint” has nothing to
hang on, it falls out quickly enough, the trace it leaves is questioning; what is
it like to have this anti-Semitic reflex? Change it to “a Tory smearing paint”
and it will stick to me and potentially obscure something worth noticing. I know
what is to have the anti-Tory reflex and there’s a good part of me that doesn’t
like it. Hard not have one when so much about it seems to be true, although
nothing as obtuse and lacking in subtlety as a bigoted reflexive response can
ever really be true, not in my book anyway.<o:p></o:p><br />
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46 minutes in and the thought is gone and the paintings are being
painted. He has a nice voice; it would be good if I could understand German but
I can’t. But I. Kant. Ha ha ha. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-12127264612941924042016-07-16T15:48:00.001+01:002016-07-16T21:26:09.226+01:00Now, here's the way I see it.In the space of a few moments you can find out how many people have died as a result of acts of violence against civilian populations which fit the current description of Terrorism. Here’s a list of place names that have suffered the worst events so far in July:<br />
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Nice, Baghdad, Dhaka, Al-Haskeh, the Mausoleum of Sayid Mohammed bin Ali al-Hadi and Aleppo.<br />
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At least 560 people have been killed in these six events, the vast majority being civilians. All of these deaths will be the result of nation states taking actions which had foreseeable consequences. To suggest that “no-one could have predicted what would happen when x did y” is not usually factually correct. To suggest that the violence we see today around the globe is not the result of the activities of nation states such as the USA, Russia, Britain, China and France is to deny all the evidence that history provides us with. It is banal, mundane and obvious. That does not stop our rulers and their mouthpieces from denying that it is the case.<br />
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Violence on an industrial scale is now the norm. The First World War made it clear enough. The Second World War showed how the process could be refined and made more efficient and varied. The Nazi Blitzkrieg, the Allied Bombing Campaign, Bergen-Belsen, Auschwitz, Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And the rest. The USA, Russia, Britain, China and France manufacture and sell weapons of remarkable complexity, sophistication and brutality. These weapons are being used each and every day to bring about the deaths of perfectly peaceful human beings. The situations in which they are used are the result of centuries of exploitation by a comparatively small, wealthy and powerful number of humans who are unconcerned by the steady deluge of murder.<br />
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In the 1950s, in his book The Future of Mankind, Karl Jaspers described how the USA and the West had to prevent the USSR from spreading its totalitarian regime across the globe. According to him, the resistance of totalitarianism was more important than the continued existence of the human race, since what good is being alive without freedom? Read today it seems naïve to suppose that the regimes of the West are any less totalitarian than that of the USSR. To suppose that totalitarianism must always take the form of Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia is to have a distinct lack of imagination. The tools of repression and coercion are many and varied. The West exports its more homicidal tendencies to the places that it needs to exploit to acquire the raw materials necessary for its continued survival. Augusto Pinochet, Manuel Noriega, Ferdinand Marcos, Saddam Hussein, Nicolae Ceausescu were, one supposes, staunch supporters of freedom. Unless you happened to be from the country they were ruling. Export repression, import liberty.<br />
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North Africa and the Middle East are where we can look today to see the results of this process. The effort to secure control over oil supplies and markets for weapons has not been entirely without incident. Whether these bumps in the road are intentional or not does not diminish the opportunities they present. Given the willingness of nations to send millions of people to their deaths in the 20th Century it would take a remarkable amount of optimism to suppose that this tendency has somehow vanished. To suppose that governments would actually try to take rational steps to end the relentless, grinding, pulverising hell of it all is to suppose that they would do something that was not in their best interests. It is worth bearing in mind that your best interests as a peaceful citizen do not entirely correspond to your government’s best interests (as if you imagined that this was not the case).<br />
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Is it entirely mad to suppose that events such as we have just seen in Nice are as necessary to the process as the atrocities in Baghdad, Syria, the Gaza Strip, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Yemen and all the rest? If the threat of violence was not felt as keenly as it is, would it be possible to continue the brutal exploitation of the rest of the world under the guise of protecting a country’s own population? At the height of the colonial period the domestic populations of the colonial powers would be either ignorant of the oppression and murder which was perpetrated by their country or sanguine about it due to ideologies of racial superiority. Now that ignorance is harder to maintain (although not that much harder) there needs to be another justification for a country’s actions, justifications such as acting in self-defence when attacked by an enemy nurtured and strengthened by the same country’s activities. And this is not a suggestion that vast conspiracies are at play behind the scenes; everything is there to see if you look.<br />
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Terrorism is not the result of some infernal immaculate conception. The terrorist attacks which have been the dominating narrative of the 21st Century so far are not without cause. The solutions so far have failed, demonstrably so. It is banal, mundane and obvious. When the next attack happens, wherever that happens to be, it is highly unlikely that the response will be anything that has not been tried so far. The certainty is that more people’s worlds will come to an end as the result an elite who are unaccountable, inaccessible and above the concerns of you and me. It is to be hoped that at some stage, before humanity succeeds in murdering itself entirely, this state of affairs will change.<br />
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<br />Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-48251556118186441082016-02-12T05:42:00.002+00:002016-02-12T05:54:12.336+00:00Today we are emancipated from all narcissists<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally got my copy of V. V. Barnett’s Partial Sketches:
Picture Partial today. Really fascinating stuff. Big old thing, and second hand
so the binding is on the way out, but there are some amazing things in it; preparatory
sketches for Barnett’s main triumvirate, the Bristol Series and the UtUt
Process from 1973 to 1976.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There’s a good amount of his jazz period as well, when he
would address the page in the Japanese style whilst syncopating his strokes to
live musicians such as Davis Huntington, Eric P Anders and Giles Pallas when
they were in residence at the Down Stroke in Munich and the Penny Penny in
Bremen. Unlike previous editions the quality of the pictures have been improved
so that you can see the characteristic gouges and scrapes which V.V was renowned
for.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Leafing through the numerous prints you can see why Barnett
was called the Pollock of the Pencil when he was in his pomp. It is also clear
that his flirtation with non-figurative art was brief and, from Barnett’s own
notes, failed to satisfy his artistic aspirations. The collection ends with his
famous sketches of the Norwich Warbler which proved to be his most enduring
work and what he is best remembered for today. </div>
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Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-29637186517248489722016-02-08T10:11:00.001+00:002016-02-08T10:18:56.319+00:00Candid chiropody photos available in L, XL and XXL <br />
There’s a new economic Armageddon on its way apparently, this one to be caused by the mass selloff of buy to let houses, which will lead, along labyrinthine and occult pathways, to either more public service cuts and general misery or to a glorious revolution or nothing at all. There’s also word that there may be a snap general election on the way, which would be quite a thrill. Let’s see how many people vote Conservative despite all the terrible things they have done. I would imagine that a good number will still vote for them to fix everything and also to keep out the hordes of Johnny and Jane Foreigner who want to swamp Cambridge and make it smell of their spicy foreign cookery. Saint and Greavsie preserve us.<br />
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I, like many many people the world over, probably didn’t entirely understand why it all went to hell last time but have been made aware of two possible causes; that it was because the government had borrowed too much money to try and make the country a bit less shit or that “The Banks” did it by using money in new and indecipherable ways. That the national debt is higher now than it was under Labour and the country is still shit for millions of people (some of whom voted for the Tories) does not seem to invalidate the argument that it was Labour what done it, which goes to show how well the message has been sold.<br />
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Heather and I were in Liverpool on Saturday and whilst we were queuing for the cash machine at the top of Bold Street we listened to a very angry man tell his woes, at quite a high volume, to another guy who stood there patiently listening. He really was very angry indeed, the Job Centre were treating him like a fool and the old geezer in the flat above him was making a racket and would not stop for anyone. Neither he nor the man he was talking to looked well, they had the grey skin and stooped posture which you can only get if you have nothing to divert your attention from the daily grind of having no money and nothing to look forward to. It was a bloody awful picture he was painting but it did not stop two passing students stopping and filming him with their phones. Heather asked them “Are you going to post that online now? Because it would be bad if that happened to you, wouldn’t it?” They looked a bit sheepish and stopped filming. I would not put it past them to still make a spectacle of this misery.<br />
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Money has changed, or so I read yesterday in an article by Lisa Adkins called “What can Money Do?”. It used to measure the value of things and mediate the exchange of one resource with another. You’d do your work, get your wages and exchange it for something else. The money itself, for most people, wasn’t the important bit, it was what you could get with it that mattered. Now most people in the country no longer have this relationship with money, whether they realise it or not. You get your wages and the most pressing use for it is to service your debts. If you’ve not got any debts, well done, you are very clever, give yourself a pat on the back and prepare a sermon or two. For the rest of us there are not only bills to pay, food to buy so we can eat and clothes to buy so that we can keep our Sandy Balls and Cheddar Gorges hidden, there are money men to pay off. That’s where the money gets made, not by making anything but by lending money and charging interest. I’ve often thought that I was in the wrong business, I thought that I should be in the A4 printer paper business since it has been ubiquitous for years but now I see the light and I was wrong. I should have been a loan shark, but a respectable one who just takes your stuff away and doesn’t break your knees. Or even better, doesn’t do anything to you, just keeps extracting the money for ever and ever because you can get a job which pays just enough to keep your nose above water. A successful parasite does not kill its host.<br />
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It could be said that there’s nothing about the above story that is especially hard to grasp, so it makes you wonder how so many people got into this position in the first place. I’ve met and had the pleasure of talking to people who put the blame squarely on the shoulders of people spending beyond their means and that if they weren’t such weak and flimsy creatures they would have never got themselves into this mess in the first place. People like that tend to have a pretty large blind spot when it comes to issues of control and trust. If the experts at the bank, people you expect to know about money, are saying to you “it’s ok, take out a loan, everything will be fine” then it is understandable that you would trust their judgement, they are a bank after all. And if a bank offers you a credit card there’s a good chance that you will think “it’s ok, they wouldn’t give me a credit card if it was a bad idea”. Then there’s the mortgage and the finance on the car and once you’ve got all this going, are you thriving? Have you been emancipated? No, you’ve signed away a portion of your life to some blokes in an office somewhere who do fuck all. Sorry, they sell you money and then do fuck all.<br />
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Kind of makes one feel a little vulnerable. Kind of makes a person want to find some reliable, trustworthy sort to fix everything and tell you it is alright. Who better than a selection of millionaire public school boys? Who better than a group of chinless wonders who know how the whole thing operates because daddy worked in the city and this knowledge is in their DNA? It’s not as if privileged rich arrogant white neo-liberals (or PRAWNs as I have just started calling them) have ever made life a force 10 shite gale before is it? And where’s the fun in not waking up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and gripped by the fear that your maths has failed you and there won’t be enough money in the bank to pay all the direct debits this month? That’s what makes life worth living, that burst of adrenaline, your heart pounding in your chest, that scream rising in your throat. It’s better than bungee jumping into a pit of bears wearing a suit made of salmon. It’s a real thrill. Thinking back to that man near the cash machine I may have got it all wrong; he wasn’t angry at all, he was just super stoked because of all the far out wild times he has been having. He’s grey from all the adrenaline. He’s having a fucking riot.<br />
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Here's a picture of bear. He doesn't care. Not one bit.<br />
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<br />Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-51641622255556177092016-01-28T08:30:00.000+00:002016-01-28T08:34:35.767+00:00Miniature Golf Strip Tease ClassesIt cannot come as a surprise to learn that there is pay inequality in the UK and that the problem is getting worse. The gap between the rich and the rest is increasing and there seems to be no indication that this trend is going to stop. If you were a cynical sort then you would think there was something going on, especially when you consider the following:<br />
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<li>Support for the unemployed and those who cannot work due to ill health or disability is being drastically slashed, thus making the prospect of unemployment a terrifying one.</li>
</ul>
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<li>A rise in zero hour contracts and below inflation pay rises makes work for the majority a less and less profitable proposition.</li>
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<li>Personal debt increases due to low pay and the constant marketing onslaught which is the lifeblood of an economy based on the endless consumption of mass produced ephemera.</li>
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Those three factors alone would make it likely that people in precarious employment, who have amassed an amount of personal debt will accept any pay and conditions. If you have a workforce who is prepared to accept a substantial degradation of their situation as long as they can retain some kind of employment it should not be surprising when companies get away with what they can.<br />
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I’ve been incredibly lucky to get a job in the NHS and after 12 years I am in a position I would have not thought possible when I started. I put 75% of this good fortune down to the fact that I have white skin, a penis, straight teeth and good posture. I’ll lob middle class in there as well. Turning up more often than not turning up is worth another 10%, leaving me with about 15% that I can claim to be somehow down to my good judgement and competency.<br />
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There have been some shit jobs too and it was only because of working tax credits and housing benefits that I could afford to eat properly, pay my bills and buy shoes. I lived in Swansea at the time and you needed to make sure your shoes did not have holes in them from September to May because it would not stop raining and trench foot is not a good look. If I was in the same position under the current government I can imagine how life would be and it would not be pretty or very long. It isn’t hyperbole to say this either; you would need to have your head buried fairly deep to ignore the steadily rising tide of suicide. The Samaritans 2015 report, which contains data up to 2013, states that the male suicide rate is at its highest since 2001 with 19 per 100,000 men killing themselves. Given the intervening years I would be disinclined to suppose that this trend has changed substantially. Here’s a link to the report:<br />
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<a href="http://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/branches/branch-96/files/Suicide_statistics_report_2015.pdf">http://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/branches/branch-96/files/Suicide_statistics_report_2015.pdf</a><br />
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And the report from the Office for National Statistics is here:<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/goog_980836004"><br /></a>
<a href="http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_395145.pdf">http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_395145.pdf</a><br />
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The Prime Minister’s Questions session on the 27th of January saw our mighty leader David Cameron refer to the people living in abject misery in the camp in Calais, who have fled vicious and relentless violence in their own countries, as “a bunch of migrants.” This does not stand out as particularly unusual language for him, his party members and the sort of person who votes Conservative but it is disgusting all the same. Cameron seems to have a very particular view of anyone unfortunate enough not to be pleased with the general debasement of humanity and I don’t think it is entirely positive. Again, if you were a cynical sort you might suppose that he thinks you’re only really human if you’ve got a couple of million in the bank, drink the blood of virgins and sacrifice kittens to Cthulhu.<br />
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I had the good fortune to find myself sat at a table somewhere in the Midlands before Christmas. I learned that someone had a husband who wanted to be a Tory MP and wanted to bring back hanging. This wasn’t some retired Captain of Industry or Wing Commander, but a young man. Two things struck me as unusual:<br />
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A. That anyone would admit to being a Conservative.<br />
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B. That anyone would marry someone who admitted to being a Conservative.<br />
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The fact that he wanted to bring back hanging seemed to go without saying and did not really surprise me. I imagine that this reveals some deep seated prejudice I have against white middle class men who want to protect their privileged position and are happy to let the rest of the world burn. I really must work on that. The other thing that was surprising was that no one else around the table expressed any particular emotion either, if anything some seemed to think it a rather good idea. I’m not sure if the “it” they thought was a good idea was becoming a Tory MP or bringing back hanging or if they even separated the two.<br />
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On my way home I pondered the fact that back in Liverpool the chances of repeating this experience were extremely low. Does this mean that the people of Liverpool are somehow morally superior? I don’t think it does, you can hear some equally unpleasant notions being aired round this way. Rather, it shows just how thoroughly the Conservatives have shat on Liverpool over the years. This fact yields a glimmer of hope, but only a glimmer; if people really have to be covered in Tory shit, utterly immersed in the stuff, before they vote for someone else, surely that point will be passed in the next four years, unless by then they have convinced enough people that it could be worse, which is not impossible. If you demoralise and disenfranchise enough of the population, beat the will to resist out of them, then if any of them vote at all they will still be outnumbered by the minority of people you have favoured with your largesse. That’s how they won the last one, if not completely then certainly in part.<br />
<br />
Some of the points raised in this essay are set to music in the following song by popular electro-rock beat combo Mashemon. Here’s a link to their song Great Job, which will be part of an EP to be released once I’ve done pulled my finger out and finished the last song. You’re welcome.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1doRz17pqQ">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1doRz17pqQ</a><br />
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<br />Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-91707295913730172532015-08-31T21:15:00.001+01:002015-08-31T21:15:51.419+01:00It’s fiction about stuff that is already thereIs it too soon yet? I might be about to put some kind of voodoo curse on things, but there’s a substantial amount of work being done. Mashemon work at that. I imagine you guessed. Whether you wanted it or not music is being made.<br />
<br />
But why now? Why come out of hiding right now, at this stage in human history? The answer is simple; the world needs men like us to stand up, comb our hair, tighten our belts, sit down, scratch our balls and do some electro rock music. So that’s what you will be getting and by golly you’ll be thankful. When your grandchildren ask you what the most important event of the early twenty first century was you’ll be able to look them straight in their bionic eyes and without a moment’s hesitation you will be able to say to them:<br />
<br />
“Mashemon did another record. Don’t know what they were going on about. Pass the (insert futuristic staple foodstuff). What time is it? I remember when cheese was a thing.”Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-55558678903574753282015-07-14T12:35:00.000+01:002015-07-14T12:35:53.212+01:00Thank you for remaining in your seat and not thinking.What’s that? What’s that you say? Some kind of tooting coming from the basement? Strange men eating salad on the bowling green? Someone wants to touch you on the knee? You want someone to touch you on the knee? What?<br />
<br />
You were abducted by aliens? They left you on a small island in the Pacific and you had to swim home? You can talk to sea urchins? Boom bang bang boom bang bang?<br />
<br />
Pointy fingers and electric guitars? No, surely not, not that, no not that surely not that. No.<br />
<br />
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Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-63882911846991967192013-04-26T12:51:00.000+01:002013-04-26T12:51:17.615+01:00Assessing the Cyborg/Gibbon dichotomy in modern cuisine<br />
I’ve been existing in a state of political confusion for what seems like an awfully long time. At some stage I think my brain just stopped being able to accept the bleak truth that democracy is dead and there’s bugger all I can do about it and decided, very much in keeping with the times, to take the executive decision to just pump out white noise whenever I tried to engage rationally with the issues of the day.<br />
<br />
This resulted in my exasperated refrain of “I blame Thatcher”. It could be argued that I wasn’t wrong, but it really meant “I don’t understand where it all went wrong but I know she was something to do with it.”<br />
Since the old woman died a number of good things have happened: the media went monkey-cock crazy about all the stuff that THATCHER! did and how it was great and how it was awful and how very, very divisive she was and how you have to be respectful of old dead tyrants who supported mass murderers and sold bombs to dictators. It was good because it sent me down a hyperlink rabbit hole to finally find some decent information about why things are the way they are and how neoliberalism has screwed the vast majority of us brutally, roughly and without our consent in whichever hole we were least keen on getting screwed in, be it in the post-box or up the cat-flap.<br />
<br />
This in no way equates to the sudden acquisition of valid opinions which would necessarily stand up to intense scrutiny, but I can at least begin to find out why there seems to be no social-democratic alternative available in mainstream politics and precisely why the concept of introducing the free market into all areas of state activity is so very, very wrong.<br />
<br />
Most of us can see what the free market gets up to. Managers with beating sticks forcing Bangladeshi sweat shop workers to go into a building that promptly falls down. That’s what the free market does. It seeks to suck the money out of your pocket in any way it possibly can and concentrate that money at the pinnacle of an impossibly high pyramid, a pyramid built from the toil of all us grinning idiotic slaves. And they do it absolutely everywhere.<br />
<br />
The NHS is being forced to contract out its services (not new that) and private healthcare companies are taking an ever larger piece of the pie. Where does the money come from? You, you dumb monkey. Where does it go? It goes up! All the way to the filthy rich geezers (there’s a high probability that it’ll be a geezer) sat on the board and to the shareholders. And we know what the filthy rich do; they sew pigs together and fire them at the moon. They put cows on roller skates and make them joust for biscuits. They make babies drink their own tears until they turn into fish. I have no idea what the filthy rich do and I never ever will.<br />
Local government has to do the same. We are told that this outsourcing and contracting is more efficient and better value for money and the market knows best and that all the crashes, disasters, atrocities and fish babies are not the result of giving ever longer reigns to an unprincipled greed machine, but because poor people believed that they could have nice things if they borrowed some money and it would be fine and because poor people are all lay-abouts and scroungers and criminals and that what we really need to do is stop worrying about the people who actually made off with all the cash and find a way to make people’s lives which are currently really, really shit even shitter.<br />
<br />
None of this will be news to anyone who is actually reading this, it’s not even news to me. What I was having trouble understanding was why there did not seem to be any political alternative to what we’ve ended up with. It’s easy enough to say that all politicians are the same but it is nice to be able to put your finger on how they are all the same. Turns out it is this belief in the free market as the answer to what ails us. <br />
<br />
Funny how, now that I’m looking at it typed out, this is what I was thinking all along but had failed to organise into a coherent statement. What will be interesting in the years left to me before I am eaten by a weaponised koala paratrooper (I’ll tell you about it sometime) is finding out what it all means and whether we will ever throw off the shackles of the unethical and uncaring free market bastard army we currently find ourselves the victims and accomplices of. <br />
<br />
Thanks for dying Thatcher. You’ve prompted me to replace my befuddled and impotent rage with a focussed, informed and erudite impotent rage. Suck my plums.<br />
Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-46685216991001081812013-02-28T15:04:00.000+00:002013-02-28T15:12:01.097+00:00I'm dizzy from the minty tingles!That’s three grand nights in the Pilgrim that we’ve notched up now. We seem to be doing rather well at this caper. Z.E.B.R.A was great, sweaty and really very groovy. And I’m fairly certain he managed to hit himself in the face because he was getting so far into the groove. I too have hit myself in the face, many a time. I have also broken a deckchair because I was air-drumming so hard. I think the seeds of an excellent performance art project are right there. <br />
<br />
Gorp were also amazing. I spent my formative years surrounded by people who liked prog-rock. I confess it was never my favourite thing in the world but Gorp’s sound had a sufficiently edgy enough to please me. And no one was wearing a cape, which was a relief. I’m the cape wearer in these parts. That night I had decided to wear a fairly preposterous garment – a jacket with tails and great big silver button things. I think I looked like sex on a stick, a pretty big stick at that. A Gallop poll found that 87% of women over 35 agreed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarcQHOSTnhrv6YrdRWF433QG4JPfZ86Lp8EN4jGwdSCFsb6hvFbT_LwJQWckgi21VMftBKICWxqXHdZ3cm1MY3G_V20ZF9qUwm3PzA7bwFZUDLmeMHB0sALCZ4ckbmhSVyz9wsi8vJPYW/s1600/Teddy-Roosevelts-big-stick.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgarcQHOSTnhrv6YrdRWF433QG4JPfZ86Lp8EN4jGwdSCFsb6hvFbT_LwJQWckgi21VMftBKICWxqXHdZ3cm1MY3G_V20ZF9qUwm3PzA7bwFZUDLmeMHB0sALCZ4ckbmhSVyz9wsi8vJPYW/s320/Teddy-Roosevelts-big-stick.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The specific stick. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
March is looking like it is going to be an interesting month for us. We will be doing a session for Dave Monk’s show on Radio Merseyside, which will involve acoustic guitars. I’ve got new strings on mine and everything. I even gave it a polish with a bit of Pledge. Smells like spring cleaning. Polish technology has come a long way since I was a lad. According to the label this polish can be used on wood, plastic, glass, human flesh, space, time, facts, lies, racism, cancer, birds, racist birds, porridge, electoral fraud, delusions, illusions, confusions, scandals, handles, sandals, moths, cloths, lofts, ditches, bitches, witches, snitches, hovercraft, Lovecraft, dove crap, spider-monkeys, monkey spiders, dog spiders, spiders with human heads, spiders with human hands and human heads, human heads with spider eyes, bees with lips, ducks with dicks, cows with wheels, swine in heels, lords on fire, the snooker player Stephen Maguire, knuckle dusters, scrotal fusters (look it up), snowballing, kerb crawling, grass cuttings, face fuddings (don’t look it up), anal warts and existential angst. Remember to use a clean, soft cloth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVmRdiKA_KwPFrCHknwFqd2CglVRGgTDw_0gs7Q9ozolZS-c5h_aoJms0USNELWU_7xDNxU3BiaM9G7IuCuBtWC7-O6yfbhsFAv951hZV2c_74axko_BgB1W96DUiY30BoJqOfjka4dci_/s1600/bee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVmRdiKA_KwPFrCHknwFqd2CglVRGgTDw_0gs7Q9ozolZS-c5h_aoJms0USNELWU_7xDNxU3BiaM9G7IuCuBtWC7-O6yfbhsFAv951hZV2c_74axko_BgB1W96DUiY30BoJqOfjka4dci_/s1600/bee.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Greater Spotted Northern Canadian Lesser Lipped Bee</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We will also be playing the Threshold Festival on the 9th of March, specifically in the Roost section at about half seven in the evening, which is a definite improvement from last year when we took to the stage at roughly one in the morning, after having sound checked at about noon. It was a long and unpleasant day. Hopefully this year will be much more fun. <br />
<br />
But wait, there’s more. This Saturday we will be playing an animal right’s benefit gig in our old haunt Next to Nowhere. It’s been a while since we were down there so that’s going to be a hoot. And the mighty Z.E.B.R.A. will be joining us! <br />
<br />
Rounding the month off will be our 4th Pilgrim gig on the 30th. These have really gone extremely well and I’m really very proud of us for having managed to do it. Yay, go us. Mike has an informative film about glue sniffing lined up for us, which I think we would all do well to watch. Whilst I have managed to get my solvent abuse down to manageable levels recently I know some of you haven’t and it is really in your best interests to do so. It wasn’t so long ago that I was huffing a 15kg Calor Gas Butane cylinder every week, as well as the Perma Gard Expoxy Resin, Loctite Hybrid All Purpose Power Glue, Unibond Repair All Purpose 1min Power Epoxy, Evo Stik Serious Stuff Ultimate Strength Grab Adhesive and my personal favourite Mapei Ultimate Ready Mixed Supergrab Adhesive. Now I’m down to one Tipp-Ex Shake ‘n Squeeze a day. My life is my own again. If I can do it, so can you. Andy can’t, he’s got no willpower at all, but the rest of you can. <br />
<br />
Seriously though, solvent abuse is brilliant. <br />
<br />
Only joking.<br />
<br />
I’m not joking.Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-77144406516891813872013-01-31T11:33:00.000+00:002013-01-31T11:38:08.195+00:00Invitations to participate in a scandal are now being accepted<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We are 8.2% of the way through 2013’s total
allocation of days and we have notched up two performances so far. The second instalment of our five act farce at the Pilgrim was at least fourteen spherical
inches of fun. Chris Shennan kicked things off early and was very entertaining
indeed. Unfortunately he had to leave early too to go and work, which was a
shame. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Some Rabbits were outstanding and they
brought fruit flavoured Fox’s Glacier sweets as part of some sterling promotional
punning on the name of their new single Some Foxes. We all enjoyed them very
much and, what’s more, they are extremely nice people to boot. Liam Some Rabbit
will be returning as a Zebra for February. I heartily recommend that you
attend. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We were pretty good too. We didn’t fuck up
our new song Lucky not Lucky to any great degree so I’ll put that one in the
win column. We’ve got another new one on the way for the 9<sup>th</sup> of
February. See if you can pick it out from the list below:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-GB">1. Lips limbs
lungs<br />
2. Facts<br />
3. Stone<br />
4. Lucky not lucky<br />
5. Donkey's Arse<br />
6. Curtains<br />
7. Various Propositions<br />
8. Sanity Check</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">There may be a prize. There may not be a
prize. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We also played at Phoenix of Avalon’s EP
launch in the Lantern Theatre and we had a very nice time. It’s a very
welcoming little theatre and they made us feel very at home. We also picked up
a cracking review from <a href="http://www.liverpoolsoundandvision.co.uk/">www.liverpoolsoundandvision.co.uk</a>.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">So all in all we’ve kicked off 2013 quite
well. At this point I think it is entirely appropriate to speculate as to what
2013 may hold for us. I have gazed into my crystal prosthetic scrotum and this
is what the swirling mystical spermatozoa have revealed:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="A">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Andy will be invited to produce the next Roger Whittaker album
but will turn it down after suddenly developing a terrible fear of beards.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mike will tangle his leads into a knot so dense that it begins
to warp the fabric of space. William Shatner will arrive to sort it all
out. Andy will record William Shatner’s new album.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Matt will discover that it is possible to reanimate corpses
using Glade plug-ins and Vimto.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Matt’s zombie army will take over Tuscany. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mashemon will enjoy a nice holiday in Tuscany.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">I will stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">My dog will cost me another massive pile of money when she ends
up in the vets after challenging an orang-utan to a gin drinking contest
and getting into a fight with a Russian sailor on shore leave. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Mashemon will finally finish our rock opera based on Culpeper’s
The Complete Herbal after cracking the difficult arrangement of Borage.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">One of us will learn how to levitate. One of us, who can
levitate already, will feel a little less special. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">My naked arse will be projected onto the surface of the moon so
that all the people of the world will be united in admiration of my hot,
hot ass.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It is possible that not everything on the
list will occur in 2013, some of them may be postponed until 2014 so don’t come
to me with disparaging remarks this time next year because I will simply nod
sagely, stroke my beard and tell you to blow it up your wazoo. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">In other news: I’m pleased to say that
playing my new Firebird at the last gig was very pleasant indeed. Now we’ve got
Matt making bringing the twang and scratch with his Telecaster the earthier,
deeper tone of the Firebird sits very nicely in the mixture. I’ve even ordered
some new Bill Lawrence pickups for it, although they seem to be taking their
sweet time to get here. I can only imagine that they’ve been stolen by Rock and
Roll Pirates who have put them to use in their swashbuckling
activities of deflowering maidens, brawling with burly Hungarians and rocking
out with their cocks out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Speaking of which, because of the low slung
nature of the new guitar I can happily rock out with my cock out all the time
and no one will be any the wiser, until I start playing it with my teeth. The
guitar that is, I gave up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">those</i> sorts
of contortions when the subscriptions to my pay-per-view website hit the
£1,000,000 mark and I realised that I could pack it in and avoid major back
surgery. Something to bear in mind.</span></div>
Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-52810679874641638732013-01-02T12:41:00.002+00:002013-01-02T12:42:23.355+00:00My mastery of the reverse lunge is unrivalled!December’s gig went really well. We have launched our new EP and people have reported that they like it. This is a good thing to hear. I would like to think that someone, somewhere, did a little getting ready for work dance to it, or maybe did a little getting ready for bed dance. Or maybe both, if that’s the line of work they are in. <br />
<br />
I did a little dance the other day. I think I was eating something tasty and it compelled me to do a little jig. My hips were very mobile. It was not entirely an appropriate jig.<br />
<br />
Our next performance is a mere 10 days away and as far as doing a new song each gig is concerned we may fall at the first jump and have to be taken into the car park and put out of our misery with a brick. Things that may have caused us to fail:<br />
<br />
1. Micro-organisms. <br />
2. Festivities.<br />
3. The implacable marching of time.<br />
<br />
Of course, we may find in our two remaining rehearsals that this song comes very naturally to us and that there was nothing to worry about at all in which case the beginning of this piece will just be me scare mongering needlessly and you’ll say:<br />
<br />
”He’s losing his mind.”<br />
<br />
And I’ll say:<br />
<br />
“Who are you talking to?”<br />
<br />
Ha! See what I did there? Try to pull that shit with me buddy and I’ll have to teach you a hard lesson in the art of recognising shit that shouldn’t have been pulled. So put that shit-puller down and button your lip, wise-acre.<br />
<br />
Another thing we may or may not be doing at the next gig is bringing along my old and rather large bass-combo to act as some kind of sub-woofer to give things a bit more bottom end. The bass amp is currently sat under my stairs, where it has been for quite some time. I’m going to get it out and turn it on tonight and see what happens. Oooh, shut your face. Filthy. Providing everything is in order with it I’ll be getting Mike to give me a hand carrying it to the van and sticking it inside. Behave. Then we’ll give it a good working over in rehearsal to make sure it will be up to the task of lasting through the next gig. Dirty!<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
I do hope you’ll be coming to our next night at the Pilgrim. It’ll be on Saturday the 12th of January. Doors open at 19.30 ish. Bring a friend. Bring two. Now return to whatever it was you were just doing. Except for you. Don’t do that.<br />
<br />Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-23257155534178383442012-09-13T11:45:00.003+01:002012-09-13T12:18:07.026+01:00Mentol rocket blast! Full & Frontal!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The expansion has been a success and we now
move onto phase 8 of the plan. At least I am fairly certain this is phase 8.
Things left to do this year:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Do our final 3 track EP for the year.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Do a split EP with Dass Unser so we can jettison our pop music
ballast.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Start making preparation for what we will be up to next year.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"> We’ve already got started on next year’s
project and I’m confident it will be at the very least a pleasing diversion.
One thing I will say is, if you haven’t got hold of anything which we’ve
already done either on CD or as a download, do it before the end of the year. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Next gig is on the 19<sup>th</sup> of
October in the Lomax. We’ve got some class acts lined up, as displayed below:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPoDX1Ao8pdDpokpNDy_VguQ9RZDm57pimG7eUyIWQ2Zf-AZyhgABnL8ew83mb4qx63GOWpKzEquRZJk6vdyt7o_gWrSDl-2X8hcRgbKM8zNCCgb8hYRdWozvHOYCwy0pikO_KFMGLd8dp/s1600/19-10-12+Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPoDX1Ao8pdDpokpNDy_VguQ9RZDm57pimG7eUyIWQ2Zf-AZyhgABnL8ew83mb4qx63GOWpKzEquRZJk6vdyt7o_gWrSDl-2X8hcRgbKM8zNCCgb8hYRdWozvHOYCwy0pikO_KFMGLd8dp/s640/19-10-12+Poster.jpg" width="451" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It is going to be Professor Graham’s first
gig with us and I am expecting you all to show him some goddamn respect. Not
only is he more intelligent than you are, but he is also a professional
wrestler and can probably open you up like a tin of sardines. So don’t start
giving him aggro or being all up in his face because, and I am not
exaggerating, he will fucking end you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Really, I don’t know why I always have to
tell you to just behave and act nice, anyone with half a brain would have
learnt from the last time, but no, you just can’t help yourself. What about
that butcher you were taunting last Tuesday? And that chef in the Chinese
restaurant? I am not going to spend another evening in A&E waiting for you
to have something else sewn up, stitched back on, pulled out or shoved back in. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">In other news: I saw my second Mock Mock Tudor house yesterday on my way to Shrewsbury. If you or anyone you know lives in a Mock Mock Tudor house I would love to meet either you or them and I woud love to love you or them even more. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Other other news: that thing I said about these blogs happening more often: fucking lies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAAAAAA! </span></div>
Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-58842229036244229462012-07-31T13:43:00.002+01:002012-09-13T12:28:22.074+01:00If I let go of it for just a second we'll all be impregnated<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">We were trying to think of something
different the other day. We are playing at the FesEvol at the <a href="http://www.thekazimier.co.uk/" target="_blank">The Kazimier</a> on
<a href="http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_northwest&query=detail&event=520948&interface" target="_blank">Saturday the 12<sup>th</sup> of August</a> and since we’ll be playing in the
daylight we won’t have the opportunity to use the projectors. This means that we
will have to rely on our own natural charm, charisma and stage presence to
embellish the performance. Hmmm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">So we were thinking of ways we can do
something a bit different and we pondered, stared into the middle distance,
stroked our chins, made thinking noises and furrowed our brows. This is what we
came up with:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Perform naked.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Get an escapologist.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Grow moustaches.</span><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I think you’ll agree that’s certainly a
list. As to whether the items in the list are quality items, I think the less
said the better. Sometimes we come up with better ideas than this, but not this
time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">If we were to be trendy zeitgeisty types,
we’d put it to the vote. Except it would be a thoroughly demoralising process
for all concerned no matter what the outcome was. Much like chemical warfare or
the postal service. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It’s not always easy to come up with an
interesting or novel idea at the drop of a hat, although strangely enough the
International Hat Dropping Championships were thought up in just that fashion.
Still, relying on serendipity isn’t going to put dinner on the table or money
in the bank or ducks in the pond or monkeys in the trees or fish in the sea or
tassels on nipples or chips in the fryer or ground glass in the camp
commandant’s mashed potatoes or Buck Rodgers in the 25<sup>th</sup> Century. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSPTNe1yiv2arHgRWcJN5gKHFPeY1yWiI-qlq88K4YigXcUz6Xz59q_tRgpUkx4MfzlFkLop14U99f7tCQQqqKLFk_bRhqoc0Op-Jo6wMTv1yIzAB9Kew5r_R7CAt2OordYTes5-Li96pl/s1600/hatdropping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSPTNe1yiv2arHgRWcJN5gKHFPeY1yWiI-qlq88K4YigXcUz6Xz59q_tRgpUkx4MfzlFkLop14U99f7tCQQqqKLFk_bRhqoc0Op-Jo6wMTv1yIzAB9Kew5r_R7CAt2OordYTes5-Li96pl/s320/hatdropping.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This effort from Geoff "Fiery" Boycott saw him lift the Chalice in 1970</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">What I’m saying is, if we’d had a flip
chart and some pens and a day of team building exercises we might have come up
with something better. So don't make the same mistake.
Mashemon Inc. run a series of Action Activity Days focusing on fostering
improved inter-personal team dynamics, re-balancing systemic process
inequalities, providing nurture bubbles for proto-cognitive realisation
gradients and facilitating non-culpable responsibility “we-states” vital in the
full formation of intermeshed community zero-scale market gearing in the modern
world. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDOaDwgcmeKCQX5GRkiWa0OcOY_VORXz8CL-FSiFa9DOn_etrsZZt_Nuy5a5W_NVzxu7l_EBC8mTNOVo8x9Ve9YL23ZJeSicaNmCzIN-DFObunuXh9xdh4deCtjzcmASN8ye9z27AL_VmO/s1600/team_building.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDOaDwgcmeKCQX5GRkiWa0OcOY_VORXz8CL-FSiFa9DOn_etrsZZt_Nuy5a5W_NVzxu7l_EBC8mTNOVo8x9Ve9YL23ZJeSicaNmCzIN-DFObunuXh9xdh4deCtjzcmASN8ye9z27AL_VmO/s320/team_building.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Formalising the "notion-of-us" in a respect-rhombus</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Prices start at £300 per person per day.
Buffet lunch and light refreshments included. Bring a change of clothing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Ultimately it will all come down to the
performance on the day. I am planning on taking one song at a time, playing the
high percentage notes, keeping focussed on doing the simple stuff right and
playing each ball on its merits. You simply cannot afford to make simple
mistakes at this level and you should be able to clear up in one visit. Our
defence is strong, we’ve been training well and Andy is getting over his groin
strain. He might need a pain killing injection, but he’s a brave lad and I’m
sure he’ll give 110%. As far as Mike’s upcoming trial for racism, homophobia, sexual
misconduct and armed robbery is concerned, we are not making any
comment at the present time. Because we’re a little scared of him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It's about this time of the day that I like to tell you to go and boil your head. </span></div>
Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-71383242271766631682012-07-12T15:47:00.001+01:002012-07-12T15:47:29.392+01:00I saw butterflies eat flesh!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I return! Like an eel in a coracle, or a
wasp in a thermos flask. I know I’ve not been getting as many posts on here as
I should and I know I’ve said before that I’ll be more prolific so I’m here to
tell you two things:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">There will be more blog posts in the future </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">They will appear at a higher frequency</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">They will make less sense than ever.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">You can put that in a bag and call take it
to the funeral home. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Talking of funeral homes, there’s one down
the road from where I live which has the most interesting exterior decoration
this side of the M6. You’re all familiar with what a Tudor house looks like I
presume. White walls, black beams, you might be able to summon the image in
front of your mind right now. There might even be a Tudor man and Tudor woman standing
outside the house. Give them a wave. Are they waving back? Try again. Anything?
Probably not. Bastards. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/74/Mary_Tudor_and_Charles_Brandon2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/74/Mary_Tudor_and_Charles_Brandon2.jpg" width="285" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oi! Big nose! Look me in the eye when you don't wave at me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">You’re also probably aware of the 20<sup>th</sup>
Century Mock-Tudor house. You know, you see them in middle-class housing
estates with their black timbers and white bits of wall. There’s probably a
Ford Mondeo in the drive way. Possibly a Ford Focus as well. There’s a nice
couple standing outside. Give them a wave. Are they waving back? Probably not.
That’s because you are too poor and they are afraid of you. If you look
carefully they have both let a little bit of wee come out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgino6iuSZX4_xTIrcwuq3D6lEbJoKzeW-tKc_ktrf4K1JgMlFMUkgmUM7vsgn_8QkZ4Y7STdq9gl1l8T5AF3t-zvrR7pQF4IBLrqLvVqB939QlfPtgrft8aLv2sodY7vpjHTM_cyGhG941/s1600/middleclass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgino6iuSZX4_xTIrcwuq3D6lEbJoKzeW-tKc_ktrf4K1JgMlFMUkgmUM7vsgn_8QkZ4Y7STdq9gl1l8T5AF3t-zvrR7pQF4IBLrqLvVqB939QlfPtgrft8aLv2sodY7vpjHTM_cyGhG941/s320/middleclass.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stop being happy and wealthy and eat your dinner.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">So, we know what a Tudor house looks like,
although you might be thinking of the Tudor Revival of the late 19<sup>th</sup>
and early 20<sup>th</sup> Century. I’ll let you off this time, but my goodness
you’re pushing it. One of these days we’re going to come to blows and when the
punching starts I punch to maim. Not to demoralise or deter, proper horrible,
brutal, nasty, ugly punches. And I’ll kick you in the balls as well. If you’re
not a ball owner I’ll kick someone else in their balls and it will be all your
fault. So please, just stop dicking around and pay attention. It’s your own
time you’re wasting. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">If I may continue. You’ve got your Tudor
house and you’ve got your Mock Tudor house. Both of them involve the use of
wooden beams visible on the exterior, in the Tudor house they are actually
structural whereas in the Mock Tudor house they are more decorative, to give
the impression of a half-timber structure. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The funeral home down the road has taken
this one step further by painting on the dark timer beams. Yes, that’s right;
it’s a Mock Mock Tudor building. I don’t know whether to shit myself or go
blind. Suffice to say, every time I pass by I give it a round of applause. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">I’m guessing that right about now you’re
thinking:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That’s
exactly the look I’ve been searching for my home. But how can someone like me
ever afford to have a house like that?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Well there’s no need to fret or sell your
organs because Mashemon Property Redesign offer a wide range of exciting design
possibilities for your home. With prices starting as low as £37.42 (excluding
VAT) you can have the dream home you’ve always dreamed of dreaming of. Give us
a call and we’ll be round in a flash. A cup of tea would be nice. White, no
sugar. Thanks, sugar tits. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-2382900988155105862012-05-16T10:36:00.000+01:002012-05-16T15:40:48.184+01:00Parasitic Twin Cat Hats<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">No more gigs booked! All done and over with
for a few months whilst Mike goes off to spread falafel around the country. I’m
not entirely upset by this prospect. We’ve been pondering what we should do
live and now is a good time to have a think and let our creative juices seep
out. Of course, we’ll be reasonably careful with this creative seepage, you
can’t just let it go everywhere. Unwanted creative seepage can be hazardous and
shouldn’t be allowed to come into contact with certain sorts of plastic, such as
polyethylene terephthalate or acrylonitrile butadiene styrene. If this does
occur expect significant discolouration and possibly even sonic disruption
approaching 17 microconners. Remember: aural safety is everyone’s
responsibility. <span class="st">Be pure, be vigilant, behave.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Ok, you can put your pens
down now. Let’s have a little chat. As you grow older you may notice your body
begins to change in certain ways. This is no cause for alarm, unless you notice
the following:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">A strange musty odour whenever you turn around
too quickly.</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">A green tinge to anything that begins with a
vowel. </span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">A desire to worship clouds.</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Involuntary barking at cats.</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Assorted monkey business.</span></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Stamps. </span></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">If you notice any of the
above, contact your doctor immediately and ask to be referred to the Mashemon
Clinic for Inexplicable Afflictions, Mushrooming and Brain Torsion where you can be seen by one of our highly skilled specialists.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_MDXKxM5lAVYxwXDtu8THe0YThyphenhyphenx6r8-liatmAdOtT6-xDzd9EfFnV3e6PZ9ze8MJrpG72L5Js2TT9apDPKwKhL06aBtYCKsrFgFhePXJlPuYYd4wr_h9pWE0YqvNG8yBdWheeKCATxoC/s1600/happy_doctor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_MDXKxM5lAVYxwXDtu8THe0YThyphenhyphenx6r8-liatmAdOtT6-xDzd9EfFnV3e6PZ9ze8MJrpG72L5Js2TT9apDPKwKhL06aBtYCKsrFgFhePXJlPuYYd4wr_h9pWE0YqvNG8yBdWheeKCATxoC/s320/happy_doctor.jpg" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't worry, I've trimmed it. Pass the butter.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">I’d like to talk to you
today specifically about Brain Torsion. This is a rapidly growing problem in
people of between your age and younger, including people who were born before
you. Some academics and scientists say that Brain Torsion is caused by
increased atypical sensual stimulation as a result of, but not exclusively due
to:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">A. Modern fabrics.</span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> B. Inquisitive neighbours.</span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> C. Heavy, clay based soil.</span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> D. The presence of bats.</span></span>
<br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> Q. Persistent non-sequiturs.</span></span><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> 4. Undistributed middle terms in categorical
syllogisms.</span></span><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></span><span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> </span></span><br />
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB"> ▲</span><span lang="EN-GB">. Knees.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Brain Torsion can lead to a
number of symptoms, mostly undetectable but all very serious and potentially
lethal, if not extremely debilitating. If you suspect that you or a loved one
may have Brain Torsion follow this simple procedure. If you can answer yes to
at least 2 of the following questions there is a high chance that it is
unlikely that either you or your loved ones may have not developed or are in
the process of developing the pre-symptomatic symptoms of someone in a post-tensioning
situation, or Pre-Brain-Torisional-Tensioning to use its technical term. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Apple: Are
you or the person you are examining breathing in the same direction you or they
are facing?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Orange: Do
you or the person you are examining mistake numbers for the names of fruit?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Cantaloupe: Ever
fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Banana: Do
you remember the first time?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 70.9pt; text-indent: -70.9pt;">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Pear: Can
you remember a worse time?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 35.45pt; text-indent: -58.15pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">If you answered yes to any
or all of these questions then you need to contact the Mashemon Clinic
immediately. Don’t even bother with your doctor, you’re too far gone and he
won’t believe a word you say, even if he can understand you because right now
you’re probably spouting utter gibberish.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">To contact the Mashemon
Clinic for Inexplicable Afflictions, Mushrooming and Brain Torsion call the
number below:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">Telephone: </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="st"><span lang="EN-GB">If you cannot see the number
then may God have mercy on us all because chances are you are probably. </span></span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-57031549743132081772012-04-20T11:41:00.000+01:002012-04-20T11:41:00.774+01:00Lemon scented crack den<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><img src="http://img2.blogblog.com/img/video_object.png" style="background-color: #b2b2b2; " class="BLOGGER-object-element tr_noresize tr_placeholder" id="ieooui" data-original-id="ieooui" /> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The dust has settled around the Kompressor EP then. We’ve had some good reviews of the opening night here:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.peterguy.merseyblogs.co.uk/2012/03/mashemon-dass-unser-so-sexual.html">http://www.peterguy.merseyblogs.co.uk/2012/03/mashemon-dass-unser-so-sexual.html</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">and here:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://mangoneblog.tumblr.com/post/20123960451/review-mashemon-ep-launch-saturday-17-03-12">http://mangoneblog.tumblr.com/post/20123960451/review-mashemon-ep-launch-saturday-17-03-12</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Seba Rashii supplied a glowing review of the EP:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://seba-rashii.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/reviewmashemon-kompressor-ep.html">http://seba-rashii.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/reviewmashemon-kompressor-ep.html</a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">And with that brief flurry it’s all gone silent. The world has spun and more important things have occurred. So rather than pine for our brief moment in the sun we’ve started planning our next release. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">In their rawest form the plans are as follows:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Another 4 track EP and accompanying gig. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Some videos featuring actual band members in motion.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Some web-based performances for you to cut out, keep and touch yourself to. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">A gig on a zeppelin floating over the great cities of Europe. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">The grand opening of the “Mashemon Boutique of Perversion” Fetish Emporium.</span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I admit that some of these events are more likely than others and I wouldn’t be so bold as to put a time scale on any of it, but I will say that the EP and videos will be done in a matter of months. The other stuff may take a little longer. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We have a gig coming up in the Zanzibar on the 4<sup>th</sup> of May. A good slot as well, at 10.00pm. So you have plenty of time to lose your inhibitions beforehand. Apparently we will be acquiring some tickets, so get in contact via Facebook if you want one. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Tomorrow we will be attending the Record Store Day Band Fair at FACT to distribute some of the final copies of the Kompressor EP. Come along and get one while there are physical copies left. Kicks off at 2pm.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">This must be one of the most sensible posts I have ever done. It is full of actual information that may be of interest and use to people. I don’t know if this bodes well. I’ll have to start concocting something opaque and obtuse as soon as possible. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-18817143025811370032012-03-21T09:43:00.001+00:002012-03-21T09:44:58.155+00:00When the red light is on all debauchery must cease<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I was standing in the Lomax late on Saturday night, sweaty and not wearing any trousers feeling very pleased with myself, despite having cocked up the beginning of the last song, just like I said I would. Next time I might try saying “I will now play this song perfectly” and see what happens. Probably end up setting myself on fire or falling out of a moving vehicle or tipping scalding hot soup into my lap or getting my head caught in a bear trap. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The sound was brilliant, all the bands were superb, the crowd were lovely and we wiggled our fingers, flapped our jaws and waved our arms in the correct ways to get the music to come out. We managed to assemble a top notch-bill again and they all put in great performances. Well done Faded Gold, So Sexual and Dass Unser and also to Frank and his excellent team at the Lomax. Kings and Queens all. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Despite starting the musical preparations at about half past three in the afternoon and spending a fair amount of time walking backwards and forwards through the St Patrick’s Day revellers whilst carrying our heavy pieces of equipment, by the time I got on stage I was feeling remarkably chipper. I got my second wind somewhere between the stroke of ten and plugging in my guitar. Of course, if you had drawn me aside and offered me a comfy chair, a cup of tea and a slice of cake then I don’t know what would have happened but it wouldn’t have been rock and it wouldn’t have been roll. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">What could be counted as rock and roll was the amount of hairspray I had used to keep my wayward barnet in good order. Earlier that day I had decided to get another haircut but, breaking with tradition, I didn’t go in, slump in the chair and express in exasperated terms that all I wanted was for them to make me beautiful. This time I went to a place on Picton Road run by a nice chap called Ken. I said “take an inch off all of it” and he did just that. Who would have thought it could be that easy? Satisfied with the job he had done I decided that I would get the damn thing to obey me for once, so I subjugated it brutally. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Another thing that might qualify was the colour of nail varnish I decided to use. Not sure of the name, but it matched my tie, which is the colour of lip stick worn by women of ill repute in BBC 2 dramas from the 1980s. You know the sort of thing, the colour of lip stick on investment bankers’ shirt collars and on the rim of martini glasses. Dennis Potter would probably have approved. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Reading</span><span lang="EN-GB"> back over those two paragraphs makes me wonder whether I have any repressed issues that need addressing. I’m thinking no. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Hairspray and red might make you think I looked like Robert Smith. I did not look like Robert Smith. Saw him on the telly the day after the gig and came to the conclusion that his hair isn’t quite what it used to be. It was all grey and wispy and I’m sure it kept going in his mouth whilst he was singing. I’m not one to ever say to or about another person that they should get a hair cut, but Robert, darling, I know this guy who’ll take an inch off it all and it will look faaaabulous. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">So after the gig, back upstairs, getting out of my suit, I found myself trouserless , sweaty and pleased. Not in the way you’re thinking, I was by myself. And not in that way either. For gawd’s sake. I’m a human being not a lump of meat. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">A lump of meat with a cracking ass. I digress. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">When I came back down all the new EPs were gone, most of the people were gone and we had to begin the process of lugging stuff back round the corner to Crash Studios. Whilst I was carrying my guitar amp’s speaker cabinet I got stuck behind too slow moving lesbians with matching Mohawks. They apologised when they noticed me huffing and puffing behind them, which was very nice. The same can’t be said for the pile of botoxed and silicone boobed harridans heaped on the corner by the Lisbon who were swaying backwards and forwards and shrieking and shrieking and shrieking and shrieking and shrieking and shrieking. They just stood there swaying, an immovable Wall of Crass. I would have ploughed through the middle of them, but they seemed to tessellate so perfectly there was no gap or crevice to be seen. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">As it were.. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">So I went around, stepped in a puddle of something icky and lumpy and cursed St Patrick and all his little wizards. Later that night I drank a glass of Château Neuf Du Pap and praised Satan for inventing the custard doughnut.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I think that sums it up perfectly. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-87159045314014165772012-03-14T17:58:00.000+00:002012-03-14T17:58:09.682+00:00I am inviting molestation wearing these dungarees<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I have in my hand a copy of our new creation – Kompressor the EP. I’m very pleased. It’s a quality piece of merchandise for sure.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">It would not be going too far to say that making it was the most enjoyable time I have ever spent in a recording studio. I don’t tend to like recording studios; they’ve never been the most welcoming of places I find. You do your turn and beetle off to a corner and do something unobtrusive until the grownups are finished. Thankfully Andy is nice and patient and even tolerated me taking forever to do simple things properly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Looking back over the past 2 and a bit years we have produced a lot of stuff for an unsigned band. Including the Kompressor EP, we’ve recorded and released 19 songs, all beautifully packaged and presented. There’s not a lot of people can say that. Lots of videos on youtube as well. I’m proud of what we’ve done and I don’t say that lightly. Sometimes it has been a bit frustrating because it seems that we don’t get the attention I think we deserve, but then I am biased. You’ll forgive me for that, you always do and that is because you’re a good person. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">That’s why it has been particularly gratifying to have seen some good previews for the EP Launch gig this Friday in the Lomax from Sevenstreets, Double Negative and Bido Lito as well as getting a mention on Dave Monk’s Radio Merseyside show and being unsigned band of the week on Chris Currie’s show on 7 Waves Radio. That’s more attention then we’re used to and it feels really good. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Hopefully people will come along and have a great time. It’s a top notch bill and you’ll be walking away with a lovely EP. What would be even better is if everyone who took a CD came and found us on facebook and soundcloud, downloaded some more music and let us know they were enjoying it. I don’t see anything wrong in saying we all need a little affirmation now and again. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Of course, if you’re feeling generous or you just can’t hold it in I’m always open to adulation, worship and reverence. If you feel the need to touch me you can. I have healing properties. My bath water can heal the blind and cure dysentery. Doves love me, as do rabbits and ponies. Walt Disney based Snow White on me and I have a cracking pair of buttocks. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuqiMFRS1Qup7hM0cvSik4iiztyhIC47JC4p5LSq1uNteaQaX5YOZNciRfV2b4vXvd1HvLERmTZbq9ZMhJ1tzekX7q6ebuunNbEEDPDYweuQwKFO3q3FOc9FGMolwAtW83DoLNLPXHOndo/s1600/march+17th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuqiMFRS1Qup7hM0cvSik4iiztyhIC47JC4p5LSq1uNteaQaX5YOZNciRfV2b4vXvd1HvLERmTZbq9ZMhJ1tzekX7q6ebuunNbEEDPDYweuQwKFO3q3FOc9FGMolwAtW83DoLNLPXHOndo/s320/march+17th.jpg" width="226" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">For all these reasons and more I urge you to come and do something worthwhile with your Saturday night. Come to the Lomax, feel the warm glow of my glory, bask in it. Maybe tell someone you love them and then kiss them, with tongues. Unless they don’t want to. Always a good idea to be sure. If you’re not sure how to be sure, Mashemon have a pamphlet available called:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">“When people are interested in your kisses: Know the signs!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I wrote it. I have a success rate of nearly 83% when it comes to kissing. What’s your success rate? If it’s over 50%, congratulations! You’re not evil.</span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-69177580865352196162012-02-17T16:52:00.001+00:002012-02-17T16:56:19.584+00:00I'll bring the porcelain crotch, you supply the copper flange.<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Our first gig of the year was not a solid gold success. Sometimes the stars align to make everything occur in perfect synchronisation, yielding happiness and bliss for all. Sometimes the stars align, again in perfect synchronisation, to produce a demonic shit storm that leaves you really, really tired. And shitty.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I’m sad to say the stars were arranged against us.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We’re easy going guys, us Mashemons. We like to be helpful, polite and generally genial. Smooth the way and all that. So when we heard that our gig at the Threshold festival was at 1 o’clock in the morning we dutifully swallowed our fears and got on with it. Either no one would be there or everyone would be there, so you never know. Next up we found out the sound check was at 12.30pm. A good 11 and a half hours away from our slot. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">“Crikey” we said, “that’s something”. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Still, we sucked up our bellies and turned up and did our thing and went off to meditate and practice our kung-fu. And watch Liverpool’s pathetic performance against Manchester United.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We met up in the evening to pootle along to the festival and catch some of the acts. We saw The Left Hand, who were very good. We saw some other stuff, which I didn’t understand. And by not understanding I don’t mean to say that they were dealing in musical concepts which were beyond my comprehension, I mean “I don’t understand why they are here playing to these people whilst we have to wait until 1 o’clock in the morning to play to no one at all". </span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB">It surprised me: </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6PkFPZFUvbFSJ6OT0p1Y0xwz4eyyz2CRgM1FmkePwg0FkeAozAT9_NBj_ZT7g7LBdVc_7010Yw67Yz9lWmHLp71tmZaAgosvSZObK1ZGX9-x2MkZLBaJo57yxDUMmkYY5ifRQYwEV-ATM/s1600/ronnie+barker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6PkFPZFUvbFSJ6OT0p1Y0xwz4eyyz2CRgM1FmkePwg0FkeAozAT9_NBj_ZT7g7LBdVc_7010Yw67Yz9lWmHLp71tmZaAgosvSZObK1ZGX9-x2MkZLBaJo57yxDUMmkYY5ifRQYwEV-ATM/s320/ronnie+barker.jpg" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I once saw a Kiss Tribute band. Ronnie Barker was Gene Simmons. 100% of FACT.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We got to the Elevator bar at about 10.30pm. There were probably about 40 people in at the time. Not sure who played. But about 20% of the crowd left. Then another band, who did for another 20%. Repeat. By the time we went on there was only two punters remaining, one of whom was the redoubtable and indefatigable Tony, the power behind the excellent Liverpool Bands website and facebook page, who had come all the way from Yorkshire and had hung on to see us. We finally got on the stage at 1.30am and started playing at 1.40am. It was not a vintage performance, but we got through everything facing the right way and without any accidents. Well done us. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The sound guys seemed to enjoy it. The bar staff seemed to enjoy it, our much put-upon and abused venue liaison lady enjoyed it and Tony enjoyed it. We spread a little happiness. Well done everyone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Am I keen to do it again? Not if the stars align in the same way. Am I disappointed that yet again we get stiffed in the scheduling department; yes I am. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Am I looking forward to tonight’s performance in the Lomax, which we organised ourselves? Sweet Jesus Corbett yes I am. I’m going to rock my prosthetic cock off. You see if I don’t. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-68787626121873212922012-01-27T12:31:00.001+00:002012-01-27T18:50:52.316+00:00Relentlessly fabulous gravy training.<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Thought I would give the New Year a chance to show me what it’s got before I started blathering on about anything. So far it has shown me nothing that previous years haven’t. January is cold and I’m broke. Thanks 2012, I see, I see very well.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">In music news we’ve been beavering away recording stuff in Andy’s studio and it is sounding pretty immense. We still have some mixing to do and some artwork to finalise but the final thing should be ready in March. And in March we will be doing a gig in the Lomax to launch it. You heard it here first, unless you already knew, in which case you didn’t. If you feel the need to tell me that you already knew then feel free but know this: I already knew you knew. How does knowing that make you feel? Guess what: I already know. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Our plans have changed somewhat from before. Instead of one album for 2012 we’ll be doing two EPs. Track listing for the first one is:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Curtains</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Kompressor</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Frank Bloke</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Suburban Regeneration Project</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Wear and Replace</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">That’s a preliminary running order there, so don’t be surprised if it changes. That’s what you’re getting though and it is going to rock your little corner of the world. If you listen to it. It is primarily an aural experience. So if you’re not going to listen to it don’t come crying to me if you find your world has not been rocked. Of course if it does rock your world and you haven’t actually listened to it I would like to know what you were doing with it in order for that to happen. If you want to send photographic evidence feel free. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We’re also lining up to play in the Lomax on the 17<sup>th</sup> of February. Not sure quite who will be on, but I need to get out and make some noise. I can hear my suit sobbing in the wardrobe, it keeps asking me why we don’t go out anymore. There’s only so many times you can tell a suit to be patient and I think we are nearing that number. Poor thing. It misses the excitement, the tension and the heavy lifting. So come along and make my suit feel wanted and loved. It thrives on affirmation.</span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-65775406120078815242011-12-06T10:35:00.001+00:002011-12-06T11:17:11.799+00:00I run in turquoise suits<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The last gig of the year is in the bag. Two singles have been completed and the album is on its way. We got in a drummer. And there’s still a month left to go in 2011. Probably too soon to start looking back over the year that was and furthermore that’s not the sort of thing we do. That requires the exercising of brain cells that I have taken great pains and spent large sums of money to destroy. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">You see, there are some things that I really don’t want to remember. I’ve purged a lot of them, such as why I can’t stand the sight of chives, why I whistle the theme tune to Dad’s Army whenever I see a duck egg and why I have a prosthetic arm. There’s a lot of work still to be done though. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Such as the time I was working for the Kennet and Avon Canal Trust. I had worked as part of the team that had been restoring the turf sided Monkey Marsh Lock, which is just outside Thatcham and is listed as an ancient monument. A ceremony was to be held to celebrate the re-opening of the canal and the Queen was to the guest of honour. It was all very exciting indeed. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The grand day came and I put on my best canal hat, like a river hat but with a wood pigeon feather rather than lark’s foot, and my favourite galoshes and made my way to the place where the Queen would be boarding the Rose of Hungerford to travel between locks 44 and 43. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I arrived quite early, a habit which I have been unable to break to this very day and has seen me get into no end of trouble. “In nunc arcu ite ingrate”, as it says on my coat of arms. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">So there I was. My task for the day was to prepare the cucumber sandwiches and make sure that no children were drowned. Varied tasks you might think, but you’re probably not too familiar with that stretch of the Kennet and Avon canal. I set to work on the former, since there were no children there at that time. Not everyone likes cucumber sandwiches, but those people are not the sort of people who would be attending a visit by the Queen to the opening of a stretch of canal. For a bit of variety Mary Sanders Rose, of the Berkshire Sanders Roses, was going to be supplying some tongue sandwiches. A marvellous spread to be sure!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I had finished trimming my 145<sup>th</sup> crust when I heard a scream from near the side of the canal. Screaming is not the done thing in that part of the world, especially when the Queen is due to visit. Hurrying in the general direction, I saw a horrible sight; a green faced lizard creature, dressed in a blue, green and pink paisley frock molesting a poor young man who had been attempting to clear a couple of old plastic bags from the bulrushes, its arm shoved up this poor chap’s fundament to the elbow. His screams of torment were horrific and on seeing me he begged for assistance. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Now, I’ve been around a bit and tangled with more than my fair share of green skinned water lizard people. Things to remember:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Be polite</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span lang="EN-GB">Offer a sandwich</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I waved a cheerful hello to the monster and jogged back to the pile of sandwiches I had prepared, popped a few onto a plate and made my way back. The ordeal was still not over and if you ask me I think that the creature was taking its time just to be cruel. Naturally vicious you see. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I offered it a sandwich, pointing out that they were cucumber. This appeared to please the creature, who withdrew its claw and took one. I tried not to show my disgust at its lack of basic food hygiene, since this was hardly the appropriate time, although I confess to tutting ever so quietly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">It was as it reached for another sandwich that I noticed the indentation on the top its head. This hollow held a pool of water which the creature was careful to not spill. Realising what I was dealing with I snapped out a brisk bow, which it returned promptly, spilling the water and suddenly becoming immobile. I signalled to the creature’s victim to make a run for it, or to at least do the best he could, and we both beat a hasty retreat. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">After giving the chap a nice cup of tea and a cushion to sit on I returned to spot where the creature had been, but it was gone. At that moment I heard the band strike up a tune as the royal party arrived. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">It was a grand day out. </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/hna/2703390580/"><span lang="EN-GB">Here's a nice picture of the Queen taken on the day.</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">That is all. Get out of my house. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-69931177053509345302011-11-08T15:35:00.000+00:002011-11-08T15:35:30.739+00:00Sub-aqua urine inspector<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><img src="http://img2.blogblog.com/img/video_object.png" style="background-color: #b2b2b2; " class="BLOGGER-object-element tr_noresize tr_placeholder" id="ieooui" data-original-id="ieooui" /> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We rehearsed on a Saturday afternoon this week. We also rehearsed quietly. Still drank beer though. The reason for the change in time was that we hadn’t been able to get together during the week and Andy had to take his offspring to the fireworks in the evening. We couldn’t do Friday because Mike simply had to go out on the tiles and get shitfaced. The reason for the change in volume was that we are due to play a gig in the FACT bar on Thursday at about 8 o’clock and we reasoned that a less cacophonous approach might be appreciated. It was ok. I won’t say it was underwhelming but then it certainly wasn’t overwhelming. I suppose you could say it was “parrawhelming”, or “equiwhelming”. Some people would proffer “whelming” but that isn’t trying hard enough. Try harder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Also on Saturday Mike presented us with our latest product: Guts the Single. I love it. I think every song on it is exceptional. You might not agree, but I don’t care. If I started caring what you thought my whole edifice of superiority and braggadocio would crumble like the soggy cardboard box it is. A cardboard box that had been pissed on by a horse. And a rabbit. And a goat. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">After rehearsal and fireworks Andy and I met up to go drinking and catch some bands. <span> </span>First we went to the Shipping Forecast and saw Choc Electrique, who were very entertaining. They definitely needed a smoke machine and more spandex. The drummer had a bandana so they might as well go the whole hog. Hog wholer. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Then we bumbled off to the Mojo where something was happening. The sound was really very bad where we were stood so I can’t give a fair assessment of what it was that was happening. But then, I can rarely give a fair assessment of anything. We drank our bloody marys, munched on our celery and pootled off to an old man’s pub to talk about a band whose name currently escapes me and eat peanuts before returning to the Mojo to see someone else and then go home. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Here are the things I learned: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Andy’s kids really don’t like mushrooms. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Young people often look like they are having a lot more fun then I have ever had. I was a young person once and as far as I recall I didn’t have half as much sexy looking, pert and fresh faced fun as they do. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Bloody Marys fill me up like dinner.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Andy is at least 27% cooler than I am.</span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Whilst Andy is cooler than I am he isn’t going to be allowed to play with proper drum sticks on Thursday. I on the other hand will be singing with my proper head. He has to use these stick like things that look like small <a href="http://www.blogger.com/We%20rehearsed%20on%20a%20Saturday%20afternoon%20this%20week.%20We%20also%20rehearsed%20quietly.%20Still%20drank%20beer%20though.%20The%20reason%20for%20the%20change%20in%20time%20was%20that%20we%20hadn%E2%80%99t%20been%20able%20to%20get%20together%20during%20the%20week%20and%20Andy%20had%20to%20take%20his%20offspring%20to%20the%20fireworks%20in%20the%20evening.%20We%20couldn%E2%80%99t%20do%20Friday%20because%20Mike%20simply%20had%20to%20go%20out%20on%20the%20tiles%20and%20get%20shitfaced.%20The%20reason%20for%20the%20change%20in%20volume%20was%20that%20we%20are%20due%20to%20play%20a%20gig%20in%20the%20FACT%20bar%20on%20Thursday%20at%20about%208%20o%E2%80%99clock%20and%20we%20reasoned%20that%20a%20less%20cacophonous%20approach%20might%20be%20appreciated.%20It%20was%20ok.%20I%20won%E2%80%99t%20say%20it%20was%20underwhelming%20but%20then%20it%20certainly%20wasn%E2%80%99t%20overwhelming.%20I%20suppose%20you%20could%20say%20it%20was%20%E2%80%9Cparrawhelming%E2%80%9D,%20or%20%E2%80%9Cequiwhelming%E2%80%9D.%20Some%20people%20would%20proffer%20%E2%80%9Cwhelming%E2%80%9D%20but%20that%20isn%E2%80%99t%20trying%20hard%20enough.%20Try%20harder.%20%20Also%20on%20Saturday%20Mike%20presented%20us%20with%20our%20latest%20product:%20Guts%20the%20Single.%20I%20love%20it.%20I%20think%20every%20song%20on%20it%20is%20exceptional.%20You%20might%20not%20agree,%20but%20I%20don%E2%80%99t%20care.%20If%20I%20started%20caring%20what%20you%20thought%20my%20whole%20edifice%20of%20superiority%20and%20braggadocio%20would%20crumble%20like%20the%20soggy%20cardboard%20box%20it%20is.%20A%20cardboard%20box%20that%20had%20been%20pissed%20on%20by%20a%20horse.%20And%20a%20rabbit.%20And%20a%20goat.%20%20%20After%20rehearsal%20and%20fireworks%20Andy%20and%20I%20met%20up%20to%20go%20drinking%20and%20catch%20some%20bands.%20%20First%20we%20went%20to%20the%20Shipping%20Forecast%20and%20saw%20Choc%20Electrique,%20who%20were%20very%20entertaining.%20They%20definitely%20needed%20a%20smoke%20machine%20and%20more%20spandex.%20The%20drummer%20had%20a%20bandana%20so%20they%20might%20as%20well%20go%20the%20whole%20hog.%20Hog%20wholer.%20%20%20Then%20we%20bumbled%20off%20to%20the%20Mojo%20where%20something%20was%20happening.%20The%20sound%20was%20really%20very%20bad%20where%20we%20were%20stood%20so%20I%20can%E2%80%99t%20give%20a%20fair%20assessment%20of%20what%20it%20was%20that%20was%20happening.%20But%20then,%20I%20can%20rarely%20give%20a%20fair%20assessment%20of%20anything.%20We%20drank%20our%20bloody%20marys,%20munched%20on%20our%20celery%20and%20pootled%20off%20to%20an%20old%20man%E2%80%99s%20pub%20to%20talk%20about%20a%20band%20whose%20name%20currently%20escapes%20me%20and%20eat%20peanuts%20before%20returning%20to%20the%20Mojo%20to%20see%20someone%20else%20and%20then%20go%20home.%20%20%20Here%20are%20the%20things%20I%20learned:%20%20%20%E2%80%A2%09Andy%E2%80%99s%20kids%20really%20don%E2%80%99t%20like%20mushrooms.%20%20%E2%80%A2%09Young%20people%20often%20look%20like%20they%20are%20having%20a%20lot%20more%20fun%20then%20I%20have%20ever%20had.%20I%20was%20a%20young%20person%20once%20and%20as%20far%20as%20I%20recall%20I%20didn%E2%80%99t%20have%20half%20as%20much%20sexy%20looking,%20pert%20and%20fresh%20faced%20fun%20as%20they%20do.%20%20%E2%80%A2%09Bloody%20Marys%20fill%20me%20up%20like%20dinner.%20%E2%80%A2%09Andy%20is%20at%20least%2027%%20cooler%20than%20I%20am.%20%20Whilst%20Andy%20is%20cooler%20than%20I%20am%20he%20isn%E2%80%99t%20going%20to%20be%20allowed%20to%20play%20with%20proper%20drum%20sticks%20on%20Thursday.%20I%20on%20the%20other%20hand%20will%20be%20singing%20with%20my%20proper%20head.%20He%20has%20to%20use%20these%20stick%20like%20things%20that%20look%20like%20small%20fasces%20without%20the%20axe.%20As%20you%20may%20or%20may%20not%20know%20Andy%20is%20a%20big%20fan%20of%20the%20Roman%20Republic%20and%20dresses%20up%20like%20a%20magistrate%20on%20the%20weekends.%20He%20also%20does%20his%20weekly%20shopping%20in%20a%20chariot.%20He%20doesn%E2%80%99t%20care%20for%20Goths%20either,%20neither%20the%20Visigoths%20or%20the%20Ostrogoths%20flavour%20Goths.%20They%20make%20him%20sad.%20%20%20I%20have%20do%20not%20have%20a%20problem%20with%20Goths%20myself,%20of%20whatever%20flavour.%20Possibly%20not%20liquorice%20Goths.%20I%20do%20not%20care%20for%20liquorice.%20I%20doubt%20they%20come%20in%20that%20flavour%20anyway.%20With%20their%20pale%20skins%20and%20black%20clothes%20I%20imagine%20they%20probably%20taste%20like%20humbugs.%20Since%20the%20opportunity%20to%20taste%20a%20Goth%20has%20never%20presented%20itself%20to%20me%20I%20cannot%20give%20a%20definitive%20answer.%20Of%20course%20if%20they%20do%20taste%20like%20humbugs%20then%20one%20won%E2%80%99t%20be%20enough%20since%20I%20am%20rather%20partial%20to%20mint%20flavoured%20sweets.%20Then%20again,%20given%20the%20size%20of%20your%20average%20Goth%20in%20comparison%20to%20your%20average%20humbug%20I%20imagine%20one%20Goth%20will%20last%20quite%20some%20time.%20Look%20after%20them%20properly%20and%20one%20could%20probably%20last%20you%20for%20at%20least%20a%20couple%20of%20months.%20And%20you%20would%20have%20minty%20fresh%20breath%20to%20boot.%20This%20must%20be%20the%20solution%20to%20a%20problem%20that%20no%20one%20realises%20we%20have.%20I%20should%20write%20into%20the%20Reader%E2%80%99s%20Digest%20or%20Fiesta%20right%20away.%20Get%20out.%20I%20have%20work%20to%20do.%20%20%20Dear%20Fiesta%20/%20Reader%E2%80%99s%20Digest,%20%20I%20want%20to%20tell%20you%20about%20an%20encounter%20I%20had%20with%20a%20person%20who%20liked%20to%20wear%20black%20and%20had%20a%20pale%20face.%20I%20had%20read%20about%20this%20kind%20of%20thing%20happening%20to%20other%20people%20but%20never%20thought%20it%20would%20happen%20to%20me.%20I%20had%20just%20finished%20mending%20a%20young%20lady%E2%80%99s%20washing%20machine%20when%20I%20managed%20to%20spill%20whole%20tub%20of%20ice%20cream%20on%20myself%E2%80%A6%E2%80%A6%20%20%20%20%20%20%20">fasces</a> without the axe. As you may or may not know Andy is a big fan of the Roman Republic and dresses up like a magistrate on the weekends. He also does his weekly shopping in a chariot. He doesn’t care for Goths either, neither the Visigoths or the Ostrogoths flavour Goths. They make him sad. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhseUBjqOhRdVMi2VV3blsMo67WuD3oXIRYXsEFlXpK4lztB3mnl1YMU71doyjCEj3m130GtuFJ47aHLOgYMrt2XHy_sKvwbw4DFVd_ySrpXQYq1OSP4LHuzJflFH7nCxjEznsMYQea_RXM/s1600/goths.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhseUBjqOhRdVMi2VV3blsMo67WuD3oXIRYXsEFlXpK4lztB3mnl1YMU71doyjCEj3m130GtuFJ47aHLOgYMrt2XHy_sKvwbw4DFVd_ySrpXQYq1OSP4LHuzJflFH7nCxjEznsMYQea_RXM/s320/goths.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do all black and white things taste of mint? In the name of science I ask you to lick.</td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I have do not have a problem with Goths myself, of whatever flavour. Possibly not liquorice Goths. I do not care for liquorice. I doubt they come in that flavour anyway. With their pale skins and black clothes I imagine they probably taste like humbugs. Since the opportunity to taste a Goth has never presented itself to me I cannot give a definitive answer. Of course if they do taste like humbugs then one won’t be enough since I am rather partial to mint flavoured sweets. Then again, given the size of your average Goth in comparison to your average humbug I imagine one Goth will last quite some time. Look after them properly and one could probably last you for at least a couple of months. And you would have minty fresh breath to boot. This must be the solution to a problem that no one realises we have. I should write into the Reader’s Digest or Fiesta right away. Get out. I have work to do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Dear Fiesta / Reader’s Digest,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I want to tell you about an encounter I had with a person who liked to wear black and had a pale face. I had read about this kind of thing happening to other people but never thought it would happen to me. I had just finished mending a young lady’s washing machine when I managed to spill whole tub of ice cream on myself……</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-32958722286036438302011-10-16T21:17:00.003+01:002011-10-17T10:27:59.283+01:00Your beastly arse.<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I have been a shell of a man today. So to perk myself up I helped Mike with the recycling from last night. I am now a shell of a man who smells of stale beer and nastiness. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Last night was epic. Great turnout, superb bands and a wonderful atmosphere. I don’t think I would be wrong in saying that was the best Death Tax Trouble we have put on in a while. Everything came together just right.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Dass Unser were superb, starting off the night with just the right vibrations and drawing people in. They have a great sound and I do believe we will be asking for their services again in the future. I recommend you go and see them the next time you can.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We, of course, were what we are. Reasonably steady on our feet and facing the right way. What more can you expect? Nothing, that’s right, you can expect nothing else. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Das Beat were also a joy. Not only was the music great but they managed to get all their gear in the stage area and not clout each other with their guitars. Musicianship and spatial awareness = gifted. We’ll get them back again as well.</span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN-GB">Darren Aston supplied the tunes from his virtual wheels of steel and stayed on station ensuring that there were no nasty sonic gulfs. Well played that man. I do believe we are going to engage his services for our next outing as well. I imagine that equates to brand loyalty doesn't it? Does it? Yes of course it does. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">We were also very lucky to have lots of pictures taken by the lovely Heather. I thought she captured our raw masculine sexuality and thunderous loins very well. To that end she will be shooting the Mashemon 2012 nude calendar for us. It will be a torrid collection of sordid, tasteless and in some cases downright unpleasant pictures which will hopefully appeal to perverts of the lowest order and make right minded people vomit into their own, and each other’s, laps. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">In other news the new single is 60% complete. Two songs recorded, one well on its way. The covers have come back from the printers and we’ve set a date for mixing. These are pleasing developments. Track listing has changed from what I said previously and now runs thusly:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="A"><li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Guts</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Lost and Found</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Low Pressure System</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Not that it makes much difference, since you’ll likely never hear what was going to go on as B and C sides anyway. They just didn’t get through quality control. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">In the car home from rehearsal the other night we were trying to work out how the album’s running order would look. Here’s what we have so far, in various stages of completeness and in no particular order:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Lips Limbs Lungs</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Guts</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Curtains</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Frank Bloke</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Wear and Replace</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Kompressor</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Another Man’s Dirt</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Suburban Regeneration Project</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">That’s eight songs. We need one or two more and then we’ll have an entire thing. Not bad at all. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Right. That little lot has taken me an hour to write. So very very very hungover. Send help. Or flowers.</span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3549147812899009702.post-38397883530481749472011-09-12T11:36:00.000+01:002011-09-12T11:36:28.661+01:00Bogart or Bogarde would have done it better.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Onwards onwards onwards onwards. Got my hair cut. Think I look like a Luftwaffe pilot. I don’t understand what is on my head. I don’t know how I’m supposed to push it around up there. It doesn’t want to tell me either. I’ve put so much hair product in it today that every time I touch it my hand comes away slightly sticky, like I have just playfully batted away a glazed bun that was tossed at me by a baker. I presume we are playing some kind of game. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">When you think of a baker, what do you think of? Depending on my mood I have two bakers; if I am happy and full of fun then my baker is a lady with a light dusting of flour, smells of raisins and cinnamon and has a nice white apron. If it is a bad day and I am full of vinegar and spiders then it is a pale faced man with a thin black moustache and well oiled hair, who probably has a pistol hidden in a loaf.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">So now, when I think about the baker and the sticky bun, which baker do I think of? Lady baker. That means I must be having a good day. It is important to know these things.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I’ve actually had a quite a fun few days when I consider it. I have done some fun stuff. Went to the Shipping Forecast on Thursday and got really very drunk whilst watching Low Winter Sun, Mystery Box and the Doo Dahs. I enjoyed myself. I got a chance to talk to the nice people from Low Winter Sun, who supported us back in the CUC. I say talk to them but it was probably closer to me talking at them whilst they checked the exits. Nice people. Nice, patient people and a promising band. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">I didn’t talk to Mystery Box. By the time they came on I was having a bit of a slump and beetled off to sit down somewhere, I think. But I do remember the singer was wearing a bowler hat. Since this is in no way an assessment of their abilities, more a critique of my dissolute behaviour, I’m sure no one will hold it against me when I say I can’t remember a thing. <span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">By the time the Doo Dahs arrived I had got my second wind. I enjoyed them as well. I probably spent more time admiring their singer than was probably civilised, but then what can I say. I’m a bad dog. I did mange to talk her afterwards but she disappeared and never came back. It was just like one of those films. If I was wearing a trilby it would have been even more like one of those films, except I would probably have had to go and have a shoot-out with an evil baker in a warehouse downtown immediately afterwards. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">After that I wandered off to find a place that made a good whiskey sour. And I found it, oh mamma yes. Can’t remember where it was but I do know it had a lot of blue lighting in it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Saturday was the day of the big Harvest Sun gig in the Williamson Tunnels supporting Vic Goddard and the Subway Sect. I wore new shoes. I think we played very well, although Margaret, Mike’s exceptionally astute good lady wife and keen Mashemon observer, thought I wasn’t drunk enough. No one has ever said that to me ever. I admire Margaret and hope to never let her down in this way again.<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The Beatnik Hurricane and the Ladykillers followed. I was in a much more reserved mood at the time so I left them well alone. Vic Goddard and the Subway Sect rounded things off and everyone had a good time. Andy and I went off in search of the place I had that whiskey sour on Thursday but couldn’t find it. By then it was home time for us, since we were neither in the mood for dancing or fighting. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">So there, that’s a bit of something to read. </span></div>Mashemonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11880510374440517975noreply@blogger.com0