Wednesday, 1 September 2010

I embody the Will-to-Poop

I have been struggling with writing a press release for our new record. I have discovered that this is not an easy process. Firstly I’m not completely sure how you go about describing a record. What metaphors best sum up this thing:

It sounds like a muddy shoe
It sounds like a rotten peach
It sounds like a violent worm
It sounds like a lonely bucket
It sounds like a stranger’s car
It sounds like a badly executed perm
It sounds like a dumpy nun
It sounds like a boiled egg
It sounds like two boiled eggs
It sounds like a poo at a motorway service station
It sounds like Gene Wilder
It does not sound like Gene Wilder
It sounds like a presidential veto
It sounds like a fingerless glove

I don’t know. What I should have done is kept all those copies of Melody Maker I bought when I was a student and just cut out words from those. However, as far as I recall, the majority of the words would be “polemic”. They used that word a lot back then. I have never used it personally, apart from just then, but that is hardly using it, I simply displayed it, which is different from using it. Discuss.

Whilst I am writing this I am waiting for a response from Rocky after sending him the first draft. I hope he isn’t disappointed. Yesterday I left a message on his answer machine in what I had intended would be an Italian accent. However it came out more French than Italian. This is because, I realized, I can only do a convincing Italian accent when shouting and since I was at work at the time and the message contained the words “I will shoot you in the face” it was probably wise not to shout it. These are the things we artists have to struggle with you know.

We are playing in the shop window this Saturday. My mother is coming to see me. I am going to have to sing the words “I stink of semen” to her, as well as the rest of the street. I expect this will require some explanation afterwards, if not therapy for all concerned. These are the things we artists have to struggle with.

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