Friday, 25 March 2011

Always buying the wrong car

We are out on the road again next week for a couple of gigs. On Tuesday we are off to Chester to support an electronic duo called Schmoo at the Laugh Inn. The comedian Rob Deering was at the Laugh Inn a few weeks back. I heckled him on a drunken night out in Brighton. I also heckled Jim Rosthental’s son that night. It was not the best night ever. The morning after was worse.

Moving swiftly on.

I don’t know what to expect from the Laugh Inn. In my mind all I can see is a series of tables surrounded by polite middle class families, like a matinee performance at Butlins. I’m pretty certain it won’t be like that. Although if it is I’m sure the assembled middle class families will enjoy our new tune Frank Bloke. As your old school comedian might say “it’s a bit blue”. Not Blue as in “Duncan from Blue looked at me and I think he fancies me”. But blue as in “encore de le smut sil vous plait.”

That’s Tuesday. On Friday we are going to be supporting another electronic duo, these ones being called Sister Gracie, at the Bumper in Liverpool. I see a pattern forming. We are being pared up with electronic duos, like pandas in the zoo. Maybe these promoters would like us to mate and breed. I’m not sure it would work, the biology wouldn’t have it. No babies, just spunky colons.

Is “spunky colon” going too far? We’re all friends here, I’m sure you won’t be offended. And if you are it’s your own fault.

I can’t really remember what it was I disliked about Jim Rosthental’s son. Hang on, yes, it’s coming to me. He wasn’t very funny. There you go. Apparently he’s doing a sit-com on Channel 4 soon. Good for him.

They said "Get Courtney" 
Which one, Walsh?
I’m writing a sit-com at the moment actually. It’s called Bucket. There will be a cast of four main characters. One will be zany, one will be thick but lovable, one will be witty and urbane and the main character will be a universal everyman, like Kirk in Star Trek or Hannibal Lector. The women will all have nice boobs and the men will have tight bums and firm jaws and they will all have amazing hair. It will be set in Manhattan and they will each have swanky apartments and jobs which they never seem to go to. The series will revolve around their amazing friendship which came about when they all met at a meth and sex orgy where they bludgeoned a blind orphan to death and fed the corpse to swine. 
I think I will call episode 72 “The one with the spunky colon”. It’ll be hilarious, grimly hilarious.


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