Tuesday, 31 July 2012

If I let go of it for just a second we'll all be impregnated

We were trying to think of something different the other day. We are playing at the FesEvol at the The Kazimier on Saturday the 12th of August and since we’ll be playing in the daylight we won’t have the opportunity to use the projectors. This means that we will have to rely on our own natural charm, charisma and stage presence to embellish the performance. Hmmm.

So we were thinking of ways we can do something a bit different and we pondered, stared into the middle distance, stroked our chins, made thinking noises and furrowed our brows. This is what we came up with:

  1. Perform naked.
  2. Get an escapologist.
  3. Grow moustaches.
I think you’ll agree that’s certainly a list. As to whether the items in the list are quality items, I think the less said the better. Sometimes we come up with better ideas than this, but not this time.

If we were to be trendy zeitgeisty types, we’d put it to the vote. Except it would be a thoroughly demoralising process for all concerned no matter what the outcome was. Much like chemical warfare or the postal service.  

It’s not always easy to come up with an interesting or novel idea at the drop of a hat, although strangely enough the International Hat Dropping Championships were thought up in just that fashion. Still, relying on serendipity isn’t going to put dinner on the table or money in the bank or ducks in the pond or monkeys in the trees or fish in the sea or tassels on nipples or chips in the fryer or ground glass in the camp commandant’s mashed potatoes or Buck Rodgers in the 25th Century. 

This effort from Geoff "Fiery" Boycott saw him lift the Chalice in 1970

What I’m saying is, if we’d had a flip chart and some pens and a day of team building exercises we might have come up with something better. So don't make the same mistake. Mashemon Inc. run a series of Action Activity Days focusing on fostering improved inter-personal team dynamics, re-balancing systemic process inequalities, providing nurture bubbles for proto-cognitive realisation gradients and facilitating non-culpable responsibility “we-states” vital in the full formation of intermeshed community zero-scale market gearing in the modern world. 

Formalising the "notion-of-us" in a respect-rhombus

Prices start at £300 per person per day. Buffet lunch and light refreshments included. Bring a change of clothing.

Ultimately it will all come down to the performance on the day. I am planning on taking one song at a time, playing the high percentage notes, keeping focussed on doing the simple stuff right and playing each ball on its merits. You simply cannot afford to make simple mistakes at this level and you should be able to clear up in one visit. Our defence is strong, we’ve been training well and Andy is getting over his groin strain. He might need a pain killing injection, but he’s a brave lad and I’m sure he’ll give 110%. As far as Mike’s upcoming trial for racism, homophobia, sexual misconduct and armed robbery is concerned, we are not making any comment at the present time. Because we’re a little scared of him. 

It's about this time of the day that I like to tell you to go and boil your head.

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