No more gigs booked! All done and over with
for a few months whilst Mike goes off to spread falafel around the country. I’m
not entirely upset by this prospect. We’ve been pondering what we should do
live and now is a good time to have a think and let our creative juices seep
out. Of course, we’ll be reasonably careful with this creative seepage, you
can’t just let it go everywhere. Unwanted creative seepage can be hazardous and
shouldn’t be allowed to come into contact with certain sorts of plastic, such as
polyethylene terephthalate or acrylonitrile butadiene styrene. If this does
occur expect significant discolouration and possibly even sonic disruption
approaching 17 microconners. Remember: aural safety is everyone’s
responsibility. Be pure, be vigilant, behave.
Ok, you can put your pens
down now. Let’s have a little chat. As you grow older you may notice your body
begins to change in certain ways. This is no cause for alarm, unless you notice
the following:
- A strange musty odour whenever you turn around too quickly.
- A green tinge to anything that begins with a vowel.
- A desire to worship clouds.
- Involuntary barking at cats.
- Assorted monkey business.
- Stamps.
If you notice any of the
above, contact your doctor immediately and ask to be referred to the Mashemon
Clinic for Inexplicable Afflictions, Mushrooming and Brain Torsion where you can be seen by one of our highly skilled specialists.
 |
| Don't worry, I've trimmed it. Pass the butter. |
I’d like to talk to you
today specifically about Brain Torsion. This is a rapidly growing problem in
people of between your age and younger, including people who were born before
you. Some academics and scientists say that Brain Torsion is caused by
increased atypical sensual stimulation as a result of, but not exclusively due
to:
B. Inquisitive neighbours.
C. Heavy, clay based soil.
D. The presence of bats.
Q. Persistent non-sequiturs.
4. Undistributed middle terms in categorical syllogisms.
▲. Knees.
Brain Torsion can lead to a
number of symptoms, mostly undetectable but all very serious and potentially
lethal, if not extremely debilitating. If you suspect that you or a loved one
may have Brain Torsion follow this simple procedure. If you can answer yes to
at least 2 of the following questions there is a high chance that it is
unlikely that either you or your loved ones may have not developed or are in
the process of developing the pre-symptomatic symptoms of someone in a post-tensioning
situation, or Pre-Brain-Torisional-Tensioning to use its technical term.
Apple: Are
you or the person you are examining breathing in the same direction you or they
are facing?
Orange: Do
you or the person you are examining mistake numbers for the names of fruit?
Cantaloupe: Ever
fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with?
Banana: Do
you remember the first time?
Pear: Can
you remember a worse time?
If you answered yes to any
or all of these questions then you need to contact the Mashemon Clinic
immediately. Don’t even bother with your doctor, you’re too far gone and he
won’t believe a word you say, even if he can understand you because right now
you’re probably spouting utter gibberish.
To contact the Mashemon
Clinic for Inexplicable Afflictions, Mushrooming and Brain Torsion call the
number below:
Telephone:
If you cannot see the number
then may God have mercy on us all because chances are you are probably.
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