Friday, 12 August 2011

Is there an aching in your bacon?

The following will be as topical as it ever gets around here.

1. People throwing bricks through windows and stealing trainers = idiots.

2. MPs bleating on and on and on and on about how unacceptable and mindless and criminal it is = parasites.

3. The Prime Minister making out that he had something to do with easing the situation = utter cunt.

4. Reactionary-middle-class puffed up peacocks and peahens whining on about how they should have their benefits stopped and national service would do them good = short sighted bourgeoisie pricks.

5. Rioting isn’t new.

6. Every time this happens a bunch of bright sparks have a good long look at it, come to the conclusion that, as social animals, the society in which an individual finds itself actually shapes the behaviour of that individual, that there are clear sociological and economic reasons why these things happen and if they were changed then life would actually be better, not just for the people who were suffering but for absolutely everyone involved.

7. Solving the problem gets a bit boring/expensive/difficult.

8. They remake the Invasion of the Body Snatchers again and nothing ever changes.

That would be my 2 pence worth. Let’s just say we’re all right and never speak of this again.

In other news, we will be unleashing our flaming loins on the public on the 20th of August at the Lomax in Liverpool. If the heat emanating from our loins is too much for you, you’ll have to make room for the people at the back who aren’t weak and afraid of the power of our loins. It has the power to heal; it can make people with bad posture stand up straight, discipline the lazy eyes, in some cases it can even cure male pattern baldness. Sometimes it gets so hot you can toast a marshmallow on it, or a nice crumpet.

Ooh, I could do with a nice hot crumpet right now. And then something to eat! Sauce! Shut your face! Phwoaaar!

The other day I learned that sometimes you might want to rock out, but sometimes you want to do more, you want to rock out with you cock out. I can see the plus points in that, but also the downside. If you like your rock, you probably enjoy rocking out. But you might not enjoy rocking out if those around you are also cocking out. The verb cocking is not usually used in this sense, but I know you’ll know what I mean.

Terry - cock in or cock out?
You decide!

Sometimes I like a bit of jazz. I used to play a little in a modest way. Sometimes I would be jazzing so hard I would actually want to put my cock away, jazzing with my cock in as it were.

There you have it. Yin and yang. Cock in and out. Sunrise, sunset. You can have it both ways. OOOOH! SAUCE! PHWOOOOOOAR! SHUT YOUR FACE!

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